Sam & Max Wiki

"These free floating immense headed space entities are getting really tired."

–Lactose the Intolerant

Lactose the Intolerant is a villain in the animated show The Adventures of Sam & Max: Freelance Police.

Character Detail

First appearing in The Second Show Ever, he is the "custodian of the cosmos, caretaker of the constellations, sweeper of the corridors of time" destroying "impurities" in the universe. His next target was earth before Sam and Max intercepted. Their use of a "lagomorphic mind-meld" in order to teach Lactose all of humanity's advances and inventions in a short duration, gave him more of a reason to destroy earth since he was disgusted by what he saw.

As he was prepared to destroy earth, Sam and Max resolved to using more convincing methods: a thumb wrestle and then Max ramming head-on into him. He is later seen as a school lunch heater, plotting his revenge.

He returns in The Final Episode as a guard to keep an eye on Sam and Max. He didn't have much to say other than the comical phrase "I see you".

The school teacher in The Second Show Ever speculated that Lactose may be a middle child.

There are others like him roaming space, but he is unique by having a mustache.

Like and Dislikes


  • His job as a fry-cook.


  • Almost everything else.