A list of all the messages that appear in Culture Shock

Spoiler Warning:Plot or ending details follow

Opening[edit | edit source]



Written & designed by



Art Director


Lead programmer


Music by


sam & max created by



(A bullet hole appears in the wall with a gunshot. Sam is at his desk with a gun, shooting at Max. He is standing with one foot on a bowling ball, balancing an apple on his head.)

SAM: Quit moving around so much, bobblehead!

MAX: When are we gonna get another case, Sam? Surely the local lawbreakers miss our esoteric brand of personalized criminal justice.

SAM: Patience is a sharp razor to swallow, little buddy. Ok, don't scream this time.

(The phone rings. Sam gasps.)

MAX: Ah! I got it, I got it! Hello?

(Max grabs for the phone, then realizes he isn't holding anything. The phone rings again. Sam picks up a note and reads it.)

SAM: "Leave swiss cheese by the rat hole or you'll never see your precious phone alive again." Jiminy christmas eve in a padlocked sweatbox! Some misguidedly ballsy felon's napped our phone!

MAX: Eerie-I just went cheese shopping! How did they know?

(Jimmy Two-teeth emerges from his rathole.)

JIMMY TWO-TEETH: Be sure it's swiss cheese, right? And be quick about it!

SAM: Ordinarily I hate yielding to extortion, but I have to admit I'm half charmed by the sheer spunk of that oily little perp. Where'd you put the cheese, Max?

MAX: Gosh, it was hours ago! You know I have the memory of a dried trout.

SAM: Sadly, yes I do. Well, it's gotta be somewhere in this room...

Game Saved

The Office[edit | edit source]

Max[edit | edit source]

Start of the game:

SAM: Hey, Max.

MAX: What is it, Sam?

  • First Row: Where's that cheese?

SAM: You sure you don't remember where you put that cheese, little buddy?

MAX: Sheesh, you'd think I'd forgotten my pants or something. It's here in the office someplace.

  • Second Row: I wonder who called?

SAM: Who do you think that was on the phone?

MAX: Oo! Maybe it was the governor, calling about my plan to secede from the union!

  • Second Row: We need that phone!

SAM: I wish we hadn't missed that call. It might have been the commissioner, calling with a case!

MAX: Yeah! Or maybe it was the president, calling about my idea to do daylight savings time in five minute increments!

  • Second Row: I miss our phone.

SAM: Oh I feel so all alone, because some crook has swiped our phone, rodent or rodents unknown... Where's my banjo, Max?

MAX: I've hidden it for the good of society.

(Second Row now disappears)

  • Third row: I'm feeling a chill

SAM: Does it feel drafty in here to you?

MAX: Hey, you're the one with clothes on.

  • Third row: I'm feeling philosophical

SAM: Do you ever wonder what life would be like if we were bugs?

MAX: Short, I hope. Although I've always wanted to have more arms!

  • Third Row: I've got a headache

SAM: Some days I can feel the atmosphere pushing on my head like a giant thumb.

MAX: Some days I hide weights in your hat to see if you notice.

(Third row now repeats)

  • Fourth row: Let's get to work!

SAM: Let's get to work!

MAX: I couldn't agree more!

Coatrack[edit | edit source]

SAM: Where's the rest of the noose collection, Max?

MAX: It's a surprise!

Water cooler[edit | edit source]

SAM: Hello, Mr. Spatula. How's the weather in there?

If you use the big gun on it:

SAM: I wouldn't want to hurt poor, defenseless Mr. Spatula.

Office door[edit | edit source]

Before you get the phone back:

SAM: We'd really better not leave until we take care of this swiss cheese ransom-the-phone deal.

After you get the phone back:

(Sam exits to Office Street)

Dartboard[edit | edit source]

SAM: One of these days we're going to finish that game.

MAX: I'm still working on getting the rest of the darts from the police impound.

Waste basket[edit | edit source]

(Sam tries to pull a card off. He fails.)

SAM: No dice.

Moon picture[edit | edit source]

SAM: Remember our trip to the moon, Max?

MAX: Like cottage cheese through a strainer, Sam.

SAM: You continue to baffle me, little pal.

Motorcycle picture[edit | edit source]

SAM: Remember our motorcycle trip through the Midwest?

MAX: Just you, me, and the authorities from seven states. But those were quieter times.

Answering machine[edit | edit source]

SAM: Nobody ever leaves us messages any more.

Lush vegetation[edit | edit source]

SAM: I think Hubert could use some water, Max.

MAX: I'm training him to fetch it himself.

Boxing glove[edit | edit source]

SAM: (picking it up) This might come in "handy". Heh heh!

MAX: (shakes head) Don't do that again.

Open window[edit | edit source]

(sends you to Open Window)

Donut box[edit | edit source]

SAM: Last month's donuts.

MAX: Don't throw that out, I'm saving it for a science experiment!

SAM: You bet, little buddy.

VCR[edit | edit source]

SAM: I bought that VCR at the supermarket!

MAX: So you know it's a good one.

SAM: Still smells like asparagus, though.

Television[edit | edit source]

First time:

(Sam turns on the television. A copy of Emetics appears.)

ANNOUNCER: Life troubling your digestion? Reality blocking your passages? Expel your troubles with "Emetics," the handbook for multi-colored happiness, and "seperate your bliss"!

MAX: Hey, it's that personal color spectrum book!

SAM: Self-help for the helplessly selfish.

MAX: Perfect! I'll take two.

(Sam turns the television off.)

Second time:

(Sam turns on the television. A copy of Emetics appears.)

ANNOUNCER:Expel your troubles with "Emetics," the handbook for multi-colored happiness, and "seperate your bliss"!

SAM: I think I've seen this.

Third time:

(Sam turns on the television. A copy of Emetics appears.)

ANNOUNCER: Seperate your bliss!

SAM: There sure are a lot of commercials on this channel.

Coat hanger[edit | edit source]

(Sam takes the coat hanger off the television.)

SAM: Let me just fiddle with the reception, here.

MAX: Put it back, Sam, put it back!

(Sam puts it back.)

SAM: There, that fixed it.

Open Window[edit | edit source]

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